No is one of the most powerful words in any language. The reason ‘no’ is a powerful word is that it sets, first of all, boundaries that affect other people as well not only ourselves. This means that it involves both the one who says no and the person who receives the no. In many cases, the one who says no is the person who wants to make sure that personal safety is ensured, as well as that the success of any action is guaranteed. As we are the ones that choose to say no we are as well the responsible and the accountable persons to create the right perception of our intention in the requestor in order to avoid to be perceived as a negative person.
We need to be mindful about the approach we choose as in case we start with highlighting why we say no the other person will hear only the no, without hearing anything else.
What works in practice is to start by being curios about the request by asking open eneded questions. While we are very aware of our priorities and task at the moment of the request.
When personal safety is to be considered
This is a situation when an action that is against the law, safety rules or ethics requires a no to align the activity with the boundaries required by society or the company. Also in this case before saying no is good to understand the requirements, expectations and background information about the request from the requestor, as many times our own mind will go immediatelly in safe mode which creates a barier in seeing possibilities wihtin existing boundaries. This means always there is room to ask open ended questions like:
- How important is this task?
- What is the outcome that needs to be achieved?
- By when this task needs to be completed?
Additionally having an open mind towards an open conversation helps to identify the best way to achieve, change or even dismiss the respective task all together in alignment with the requestor with a positive perspective to remove any perception from ourself as a negative person.
In the case we feel that any alternative discussed is against the law, safety rules and ethical behavior we are the responsible ones to investigate and share the outcome of our investigation with the requestor to find alternatives in case still required.
Setting personal boundaries for personal safety in the work environment is hard as it requires personal responsibility and the obligation to manage the perception of our behavior by those with whom we work. Eventhough the perception of other is not in our control, our own behavior have a great impact on the perception of us in others.
This obligation is also our personal right to ensure that we will be capable to take care of ourself and as well our loved ones as in long term not addressing this properly can lead to negative consequences for ourselves both on physical and psycholigcal level with short or long term effects.
Ultimately there are clear situations like personal safety for ourselves and others and ethical behaviors that demand a no, with now other excuses. This can be done by speaking up when we identify these cases.
When success is to be guaranteed
In most cases it is a personal perception on how success needs to be guaranteed and it comes in play depending on individual personality:
For persons that are comfortable executing repetive actions within the skills they already have and are familiar with
This type of personality doing a total new type of activities can create a lot of personal pressure and in the work environment saying no to a strecht assignment is perceived as negative attitude. Additionally in case a manager is considering that we are capable and or we are the only available to do the requested task can be a good sign as well for ourselves that the manager considers us capable and is giving us a chance to further develop ourselves and our skills. Indeed there can be as we a negative side for such a task where a manager want to set up us for failure so we can be moved out of the position.
For persons that are comfortable with taking new tasks on, change and novelty
This type of personality is the most often open on taking new tasks even in the case they are not familiar with the content of the task or even having an idea on how to complete the task, which makes them most often the candidates from the manager perspective for a lot of tasks in case the person has a consistency of delivering the tasks with an acceptable quality. The problem in this case in not saying no, but actually saying yes and investing the most of the time in delivering this new task with the high risk of either disconsidering other tasks or working a lot of overtime. So even for these type of personality is critical to have additional considerations before saying yes or no. For this type of personality saying no is easier towards themselves then towards other.
Independent of the type of personality we all can make sure that we can create the right perception in others by asking open ended questions with the interest to find a possible solution for the task to be completed on time with the right quality in alignment with the expectations of the requestor. Below are some examples of opened ended questions that I have experienced and shared with other people that I have coached which have found them very useful:
- How important is this task?
- What is the outcome that needs to be achieved?
- By when this task needs to be completed?
- Which of the following tasks I need to reprioritize and by when do you need them?
- Who else needs to be involved and/or informed?
- How do you want to track progress?
- What are the escalation criterias?
- What additional information can be provided by who?
Feel free to use as many as you want with the consideration that the below questions are very usefull in defining a clear scope, priority and a timeline for the task in alignment with the requester:
- What is the outcome that needs to be achieved?
- By when this task needs to be completed?
- Which of the following tasks I need to reprioritize and by when do you need them?
We are all responsible for ourselves and that includes the perception we create in other people based on our choices.